Jean: Jean accompanied her husband Alex to the city where he hoped to receive a heart transplant. They expected to wait from one to three months.
During their stay, they made the acquaintance of several other candidates, including Joel, a teenage boy who had been born with a heart defect. Jean in particular, befriended Joel. Months later, they heard at clinic that Joel had died suddenly over the previous weekend.
This tragic news visibly upset both Alex and Jean. But Jean was affected far more strongly. Whereas she had always before held an optimistic outlook for her husband, she became preoccupied with worrisome thoughts that he might die. She had trouble getting to sleep at night. And she worried excessively about every symptom that Alex showed. Two weeks later, Jean still came to tears when anything reminded her of Joel's death.
Alex had tried to understand how his wife felt. Joel's death had saddened him. And it reminded Alex of his own predicament. But he could not understand why Jean was still so upset by what had happened.
Finally, Jean told him of what was going on inside her. She told Alex that Joel had always reminded her of a young brother who had died in a car accident. She remembers only that once the funeral was over, her parents never spoke of her brother again. Alex now understood that Jean's tears were in part for Joel, but also for the loss of her brother. She had little opportunity as a youth to grieve his death.
In this example, Joel's death upset both Alex and Jean. But due to Jean's memories of her brother, she was more affected. The tragedy reminded her of grief not before expressed openly. When she cried, Jean held the images of both Joel and her brother in mind. Her grief appeared extreme because it was for the loss of two.
The events of our past contribute to whom we are today. They shape our approach to life and inevitably affect our response to new events. Since we each have a different life history, it follows that our response to a new occurrence will be highly personal. This helps to explain why different people will react variously to the same situation.
Not only unwanted changes can cause stress. A large amount of research has examined the relationship between life events and stress. In this research, people have been asked to rate events in their lives according to the degree of stress that resulted. Although not usually considered to be unwanted life changes, gaining a promotion, buying a larger house and getting married are typically rated as highly stressful events. Most would consider the birth of a child as desirable. But generally this is rated as stressful. By and large, the meaning that an event holds to people is most important. Even highly desirable life events can hold potentially stressful meaning.
Similarly, many events that you look forward to, either before or after transplantation entail some stress. For example, discharge from hospital after transplant is a desirable event for any recipient. But some apprehension can also occur at this time. Do not assume that stress only results from undesirable events. You will find yourself puzzled at times when searching for the cause of stress.