A nurse said that my husband was in denial. What exactly does this mean?
Denial is a normal means of dealing with trauma. Depending upon the circumstances, it can be either adaptive or problematic. The nurse may believe that your husband has not responded to his situation in a way that others would. Denial could be one reason for this. She could be saying that your husband might not fully appreciate his true circumstances.
It may be useful for you to find out two things. Ask why the nurse believes your husband to be in denial. Then ask the nurse or someone else on the team if his denial is causing any problem.
For example, the nurse may have found that after repeatedly explaining the medical situation to your husband, he still does not appear to take advice seriously. He may not follow treatment suggestions or may talk of unrealistic plans. Doctors and nurses usually assume that sensible people work hard to maintain their health and recover from illness. When this does not occur, it is reasonable for them to suspect that a patient has not fully come to terms with their situation. Sometimes, the problem is denial.
If the team finds that denial has caused a problem, they will usually talk directly with you and your husband. If the problem persists, they may request help from a psychologist or psychiatrist. Sometimes, it turns out that denial has not been the problem at all. There may be some other reason why your husband has had difficulty following the team's recommendations, or the rationale behind them. Other emotional problems (e.g. depression or mild confusion) may sometimes look like denial.
Staff may also suspect denial if your husband does not appear to react emotionally to his medical condition. Obvious grief is common after one learns of a serious illness. When grief does not occur, it is reasonable for staff to wonder if the person fully appreciates their situation.
But the team must also remember that people can react very differently to similar situations. Not everybody shows his or her feelings openly. It may take time for a candidate to fully appreciate the meaning of new information. Emotional reactions are highly individual and difficult to predict. Some show their distress when medically unwell. Others appear calm when they are most ill, but experience grief later. A personal reaction to illness is problematic only if it hinders clinical management.